The Grandchildren

I'm sure I have been this heartbroken several times. Doesn't make it any easier.  I miss Jessalynn so much still every day!! My mind just goes over an over it all day and night. I miss her so much I start to wonder if I should have just let it go that she said I was treating Jeremy disgustingly.  The voice that says that is SO LOUD, especially at night. I know I shouldn't have just let it go but the hard part is that my reaction was definitely wrong. I lash out when I am deeply wounded. Well. This time I ran away, hoped for an apology, Then lashed out way too harshly when I didn't get one.  Disgusting.  How could she think that?? How could she say that??  I hate that I KNOW she feels that she said Nothing Wrong. She has Never treated me with Respect. I noticed it most when she was in high school but I world"let it slide" figuring she just needed to grow up. She grew up even more disrespectful.   Why would I miss someone like that?? I do have other h et...

Everyone is ready for today to be painful for me. It is but, like after any death, the pain does lessen with time. I know she will never be back in my life or ever know or care how badly she hurt me.  Accepting that puts it in the rearview.   I regret lashing out at her, trying to hurt her for hurting me. I don't even know what all I said. I just remember looking at her stony, angry face seeing everything I said bounce off of her hatred and disgust for me. I do not regret deciding she couldn't talk to me that way. Maybe my fault for ever making her think she didn't have to be respectful of me in my home. But then, Who would think disrespect had to be explained to a grown grandchild?? Her birthday will pass just fine. 

I thought my story with Lindsey when she jumped on Jeanette's sick bandwagon but maybe not?? She wrote on a comment with Julie,  I was telling Julie why I had the saddest Christmad and Lindsey thought it was about her. She wrote that I couldn't disown her (I hadn't said I was disowning anyone) , not exactly a nice message but it still gave me Hope.  Especially since she also sent a friend request. Maybe.