Jessalynn 19 Today

Everyone is ready for today to be painful for me. It is but, like after any death, the pain does lessen with time. I know she will never be back in my life or ever know or care how badly she hurt me.  Accepting that puts it in the rearview.  
I regret lashing out at her, trying to hurt her for hurting me. I don't even know what all I said. I just remember looking at her stony, angry face seeing everything I said bounce off of her hatred and disgust for me.
I do not regret deciding she couldn't talk to me that way. Maybe my fault for ever making her think she didn't have to be respectful of me in my home. But then, Who would think disrespect had to be explained to a grown grandchild??
Her birthday will pass just fine. 

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