Just Heartbroken

I'm sure I have been this heartbroken several times. Doesn't make it any easier.  I miss Jessalynn so much still every day!! My mind just goes over an over it all day and night. I miss her so much I start to wonder if I should have just let it go that she said I was treating Jeremy disgustingly.  The voice that says that is SO LOUD, especially at night. I know I shouldn't have just let it go but the hard part is that my reaction was definitely wrong. I lash out when I am deeply wounded. Well. This time I ran away, hoped for an apology, Then lashed out way too harshly when I didn't get one. 
Disgusting.  How could she think that?? How could she say that?? 
I hate that I KNOW she feels that she said Nothing Wrong.
She has Never treated me with Respect. I noticed it most when she was in high school but I world"let it slide" figuring she just needed to grow up. She grew up even more disrespectful.  
Why would I miss someone like that??
I do have other h et Respectful children and grandchildren. He'll,  Lindsey is 20 ruined more Respectful on her worst day. 

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