Respect

What happened with Jessalynn Christmas was caused by an old problem caused by a mistake I seem to make over and over. Or maybe it's just the way it is because I'm so flawed. My grandchildren, one of my children, have No Respect for me. Maybe I don't think about it enough? I don't seem to realize that no one respects me until it slaps me in the face. It has to be my fault. I assume that people respect me because I see myself as someone who Should Have the respect of people. I manage to take care of my family no matter how little I have to do it. I have good morals that I base my life on and try to teach others. 

But I must be just totally missing something. 

I think back over my relationship with Jessalynn and see now that she has never really Treated me with respect. We have spent a lot of time together. I have been the person she turned to for advice and help or just the one she called if she was sad or sick. But I have allowed a large measure of closeness that you wouldn't expect in a Grandmother especiallyas she's gotten older. I keep thinking that this is a Good Way to be with children even though it never works. Jessalynn has always felt comfortable to treat me with disrespect. Jessalynn's text, "I thought we would discuss this maturely but" or some such crap that would never be said to an adult who had respect. I think I teach them manners but Jessalynn didn't have the basic courtesy to not call her host "disgusting" while in her home.

Back it up. One huge thing about what happened was the hypocrisy.  Months she spent berating me for Not throwing Jeremy out of the house and I not only let her do it,  I took up for Jeremy but also apologized for not throwing him out for her. At most I explained over and over why I wouldn't.  What I Should Have Done was tell her it was none of her business or at least let her know how disrespectful to Him it was to sit in his home and say these things. I did not. So when she jumped sides she fully expected me to just take it.

Now, the fact that I didn't wasn't because she finally went to far. It likely had little to do with the content of her new complaint.  It was Christmas Eve. The pain and stress of preparing for the holiday this year was almost unbearable.  I was feeling like I was crossing a finish line. Jeremy was almost done cooking dinner. The kids would open the few presents we were able to buy this year and it would be over for another year. And There She Was. 

I go back to the fact that I would have NEVER dreamed to speak to my mother or grandmother in such a way. Especially not on Christmas Eve in their home!

And I don't think She would have spoken to any other parent or grandparent that way. 

So, the problem is Me.

Either I allow a level of familiarity or don't command a level of respect that made her feel she was right. Likely both.

Whatever. 

I HAVE TO fix this before it happens again. I still have Kira and Jazzy. Sadly, I am now questioning all familiarity with them. They like to tease and play, Kira has a thing where she calls everyone Loser. Do I shut her down from teasing Jeremy and me like that so she doesn't feel comfortable telling us our behavior is disgusting some day?? 

I really hate this.